Sarah Palin Is A Big Fat Idiot And Other Truths

This is going to be harsh, but hear me out.

I should be up front and say that, yes, Sarah Palin intrigues me. I'm a little obsessed with her. But I don't like her. At all. I think she's morally and ethically reprehensible and she's foolish to boot. But, yes, I am pretty obsessed with her. She fires me up, and I suppose I should thank her for that.

Sarah Palin began her run as a Fox News commentator last evening. Now I admit that I can't stomach more than about five minutes of Fox a day; I get most of my Fox News information from the internet and MSNBC. Is it obvious that I'm very biased here? Because I am. I admit that. I want that completely out on the table. I'm a big time left-wing liberal loon, for life. There. That's my disclaimer for everything I will say in this post and any later posts. But I digress. Sarah Palin began her run as a Fox News commentator last evening. She was on "The O'Reilly Factor." I know! I figured she would have started out on "Glenn Beck," too! But she went with Bill, who proceeded to interview her, mainly (from what I've gathered) about this new book, Game Change. Now, this book makes some insane claims about various political figures from the 2008 election. It's not a Republican Bashfest. These guys go after Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Harry Reid, John Edwards, Elizabeth Edwards, John McCain, Sarah Palin, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's pretty explosive and it's been the basis for a lot of stories in the news this week, mainly about Harry Reid and Bill Clinton. But I'm under the impression that the John McCain/Sarah Palin bits might be the best. You know why? Because they pretty much confirm what everyone has known all along:

Sarah Palin is a big fat idiot.

Obviously.

And I quote: "I think that these are the political establishment reporters who love to gin up controversy and spin up gossip. The rest of America doesn't care about that kind of crap." She said this in response to a report on "60 Minutes" that she didn't understand the true nature of her son's mission in Iraq (he was deployed on September 11th, 2008).

Sarah Palin is one of the biggest perpetrators of "that kind of crap." She is, in fact, one of the biggest spinners of gossip and ginners of controversy in the public eye today. She plays herself all cute and coy and acts like she really cares about the regular guy in Smalltown, U.S.A. when she really only cares about the bottom dollar: herself.

In Sarah Palin's abnormal little brain, she can do no wrong. She is a victim of the establishment, guys! Actually, she's just a victim of the truth. She also made the claim that her opponents don't like her "common sense, conservative solutions." Well, to begin with, I don't think she's offered any solutions to anything. Just bullshit rhetoric that has no real, honest impact on the political dialogue in our country. It has a controversial impact, sure, but what does she really offer? And, I'm sorry, common sense? Common sense, you say? That's exactly what I think of when I think of Sarah Palin. Common sense. If, by common sense, you mean the most roundabout, made up, idiotic, foolish crap that can possibly spew forth from her vile, vile lips, then yes, she does have common sense.

Evidently Sarah Palin didn't know why there was a need for a North Korea and a South Korea. She didn't understand the ties between World War I and World War II. She didn't know what the Fed, you know, does. She thought that Saddam Hussein had ties to 9/11. I'm sure there are more. And this is all on top of the things we already knew about her, such as her thoughts on relations with Russia and her horrible attempts at connecting Barack Obama to "domestic terrorist" Bill Ayers. This bitch is shameless. I'm just saying.

I guess what I'm getting at is this: why is this woman a commentator on a major news network? I mean, I get it, it's Fox and they are the bastion for right wing nutbags (teabags?). They horde Republicans of all stripes, I understand that. But, generally, corrupt and sadistic though many of them are, their commentators are usually fairly intelligent. I mean, say what you will about Karl Rove (and I've said a lot of nasty, spiteful things about ol' Turdblossom) but there's no denying that he is a brilliant man. He just uses his brilliance for the purposes of evil. But Sarah Palin, as I stated above, is a big fat idiot. The biggest. The woman knows as much as my niece does about foreign policy. My niece is 9 months old, by the way, so she doesn't really know a lot about foreign policy.

I understand the appeal of Sarah Palin. She speaks to a certain subgroup of people. She makes them feel like they're understood, like they're being heard. But she's a moron. The reason these people feel like she's their gal is because they are also, very likely, morons. I know that's an inflammatory thing to say, but if you empathize with and agree with and feel a camaraderie with someone like Sarah Palin, I'm sorry, you, too, are an idiot. There's just no other way of slicing it. It infuriates me that someone with so few thoughts in her head has made her way to the top of the political heap. Thanks, John McCain. Thank you for making a giant fool of yourself by choosing as your running mate a woman you didn't even know and that was never properly vetted. If you had won the election in 2008, this loon from Alaska would have been a heartbeat away from the presidency. And she thinks that Saddam Hussein had ties to 9/11. That's reassuring, isn't it? Doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that we could be even deeper in Iraq than we already are? I know it makes me tear up.

I have to say, any time I start to talk about Sarah Palin (and I'm sure this won't be the last time I do), I just get flustered. I get angry and flushed and I lose my words. Now, I consider myself pretty smart. I'm no genius, but I'm well-informed and well-read and I tend to know my shit. If I don't know said shit, I go and look up information about that shit and I educate myself. See? That's how easy it is to know things. My point is, I'm not brilliant. I don't expect everyone to be brilliant. But if you're going to lead this country (potentially), you should be a fucking genius. You need to understand foreign policy and economics and the relationships the United States has with other countries. If you're going to be a member of Congress, you should know your shit. If you're going to be the governor of one of the 50 states in the United States? Yep, you should know your shit. If you're going to be going on a national news network and give your advice and opinion on the topics of the day? You should know your shit.

Sarah Palin? She doesn't know her shit or anyone else's.