Sarah Palin Is (And Always Will Be) A Big, Fat, Stinking Idiot

Oh Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. I've said it before and I'll say it again (and probably again and again and again and again and...ad nauseam) but every time I think you can't say anything that is more stupid than the last thing you said, you prove me wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Unbelievable. You are unbelievable. There just are no words. They should have sent a poet? No. Even a poet couldn't find the words to describe how stupid and unbelievable and absolutely horrible you are.

This past weekend Sarah Palin was the keynote speaker at the Tea Party Convention down there in Nashville. Incidentally, how the hell does a group who isn't even an actual party have a convention? They're not a real party. Will they become one? Well, we Democrats can only hope, because the more division and idiocy that we see come out of a fractured Republican Party, the better for us, right? Well, maybe. Democrats suck at getting behind an idea, too, so really, who knows? But that's a tale for another time. Sarah's speech on Saturday was a blundering mash-up of good ol' right wing lunacy, warmongering, crib notes and a basic lack of understanding of how the world works. In short, she made an idiot out of herself AGAIN and AGAIN proved why people who only have three wrinkles on their brain shouldn't be allowed to speak for anyone. She is a moron. It can't be said enough. A MORON.

She made fun of Barack Obama for using a teleprompter. Well, she had notes written on the palm of her hand. By the way, Sarah, Ronald Reagan was notorious for his expert, flawless use of teleprompters as well, so maybe remember that the next time you stick your stiletto heel in your oversized, blabbering mouth. Or at least try to hide your little peeks at your palm. Idiot.

She also asked, "How's that hope-y, change-y stuff workin' out for ya?" Excuse me? Excuse me? How is using Facebook as a political platform - you know, the kind where no one can argue with you or ask you questions - working out for you, Sarah? How is not understanding that the majority of the American people don't agree with idiots like you? I mean, I didn't think it could get worse than George W. Bush on the stupidity front, but he might as well be the head of Mensa when compared to Sarah Palin. "Hope-y, change-y?" Seriously? I'm supposed to take you seriously when you talk like a 5-year old? Cute the cutesy bullshit, Sarah; I know that's your schtick with that miserable little accent you've cultivated and that you like people to believe you're as wholesome as baked Alaskan salmon, but people are hip to your game. We know you're a vindictive, backstabbing, vile creature who uses her children in order to keep her name in the news. You should be ashamed of yourself, not just because you're mocking the average folks you claim to be speaking for (most of whom voted for that guy who now lives in the White House - the one who actually is a genius) but because you have used your children to make you look sympathetic and "real." The whole blow-up over Rahm Emanuel using the word "retard" last week is just the latest in a long line of examples. Do I agree with Emanuel using the word in a derogatory manner? Of course not. But it was in a private conversation that didn't involve Sarah Palin in any way, shape or form. Should he be fired for using the word "retard?" Of course he shouldn't be fired. That's ridiculous and that just proves how little Sarah Palin understands about the way the world works. Rahm Emanuel's a dick, to be sure, and has many, many shortcomings, but he is brilliant at what he does and the fact that he's so vicious and slithers around so slickly behind the scenes is what justifies having a man like him serve as the POTUS chief-of-staff. Which begs the question, if Rahm Emanuel should be fired for using the word "retard" in a private conversation, shouldn't Rush Limbaugh be fired for saying it LIVE on the RADIO? Apparently not. Sarah loves Rush and his big, fat, slimy mouth and said it was "satire" when he said the word. Satire, huh? Rush Limbaugh doesn't understand the meaning of the word "satire." Everything Rush Limbaugh says is laced with vitriol for the human race. He has no concern for anyone but himself, and that should be obvious. The same goes for Sarah Palin, in fact. She throws everyone under the bus - including her mentally disabled INFANT son - in order to get ahead.

She continued to mock our president, saying that he was "misguided." I mean, I can't believe I just typed that. SARAH PALIN thinks BARACK OBAMA is misguided. Do I even need to elaborate on how I feel about that? I don't agree with a lot of what Barack Obama has done, but to say he's misguided is a serious accusation. The man has spent a year cleaning up the mess of the man who was president before him, and it's going to take longer to finish the job. Should everything be blamed on George W. Bush? No, but I think it's fair to say that a whole pile of shit can be blamed on George W. Bush. Sarah Palin calling anyone "misguided" is ludicrous. Which plays really well into my next point: THE WOMAN THINKS WE SHOULD DECLARE WAR ON IRAN!!! IRAN!!! Are you kidding me with this shit? A comedian couldn't make this shit up! What the fuck are you thinking, Sarah Palin? Declare war on Iran? Because we're not already embroiled in war in Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan (don't be fooled - we are at war in Pakistan), let's add another Mid-East superpower to the list. Does she not understand what she just said? Declaring war - WAR, not just dropping bombs, but full-blown WAR - on Iran would be a death wish, not because they could nuke us (which is also incredibly unlikely) but because they're nothing like Afghanistan or Iraq. There's political turmoil, sure, but it's nothing like the countries we're already occupying. This is obscene and it's an incredibly careless thing to say. She is clearly just talking right out of her ass with no thought to the consequences of her words, and that is beyond dangerous. This is why people like her cannot be allowed to have any power in this country: they would send us to ruin. You think things suck for our economy now? Well. Just wait until Sarah Palin declares war on Iran and see how quickly you try to snag a passport and move your ass to another country. Ya damn Socialist.

Oh, and then she said that "[w]e need a commander in chief" not a professor of law. What a bitch, man. Sarah Palin, what we need is a professor of law, a man who actually understands our Constitution and what a heavy weight it is to lead a country like ours with some semblance of dignity and respect for what the Constitution means. What we don't need is a beauty queen-cum-sportscaster with a degree in communications telling us that we should go to war with Iran. Who would you rather have as your president? A man who attended Harvard Law School and Columbia University and taught Constitutional Law or a woman who attended Hawaii Pacific University (until she left because there were too many Asians - NOT KIDDIING!), North Idaho College, Matanuska-Susitna College and the University of Idaho, became a sportscaster and spent half a term as governor of Alaska, before she QUIT (VOLUNTARILY!) to make money off of her poorly ghostwritten book? I know who I'd choose every time. And it ain't the Wicked Witch of the North.

I hope Sarah Palin runs for president in 2012. Really, I do. Because, if she even gets the nomination (doubtful - the Republicans aren't exactly her biggest fans anymore either) she will be torn to shreds in the debates with President Obama. He will tear her assholes in places you didn't even know you could have assholes. That alone is enough reason to hope she gets the nomination.

Of course, I could be wrong. But I doubt it.

P.S.: Watch the convention speech for yourself here. Thank me later.

Sarah Palin: Idiot Auteur. Part 2 in a (Likely) Multi-Part Series

Oh, Sarah. Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. You never fail to please me/astonish me/dumbfound me. Do you even know how to read? I know you don't know how to write, since you had that gay bashing loon write your book for you, but can you read a book? Could you maybe hire someone to read a book to you? Maybe one on American history?

Who here can name our Founding Fathers? Well, there's John Adams, for one. He was pretty important. Benjamin Franklin. Duh. Really important. Thomas Jefferson, clearly. Alexander Hamilton and James Madison also come to mind. And the Founding Fathers of our country aren't just the (rather large) group of men who signed the Declaration of Independence. They consist of all of the prominent figures who helped lead our country through our Revolution, like Thomas Paine, a brilliant man who is still cited as an influence in any number of protests in our country. Sadly, the Teabaggers seem to have co-opted for the time being, but they're stupid, so give them time and they'll pick someone else who would never agree with their ridiculous ideals. And yes, George Washington is a Founding Father. He's called The Father of our Country for a reason. He was our first president and he was a respected figurehead in his time. But he wasn't a real leader, not in the way men like John Adams and Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson were. These are the men that did the wheeling and dealing that helped to fund our Revolution, the men with the big ideas if you will. So the fact that Sarah Palin would pick perhaps the weakest of these men (as far as overall ideology and actual desire to lead the country as president) as her favorite Founding Father, the one she respects THE MOST out of every single one of them (and there are a lot, to be sure) pretty much makes me smack my forehead. George Washington, eh? Diversity, huh? Diversity? Are you even aware of the period in history about which you are blabbering on about? You do understand that we had scores of slaves in this country, right? Hell, the majority of the Founding Fathers had slaves. Diversity? That's fantastic. Because, you know, ALL of our Founding Fathers were white dudes. I don't know if you've seen the many, many paintings that depict the signing of the Declaration of Independence or the hundreds of portraits (easily found) of these men, but that's not artistic license you're seeing there. They're white. White. Like you. That's not diverse. White, typically Protestant men. That's so diverse, it makes me sick. It's astonishing, really. I've never seen anything so diverse as America in the 1770s.

I'm sure you've seen this clip if you've watched the news since last night. Admittedly, I've been more enthralled in the horrific stories coming out of Haiti, as have most people, and rightfully so, but when I caught this little morsel of hilarity, I had to talk about it. I do have things to say about Haiti, too, though, and I will be getting to those in a separate post.

Back to Ma Palin and my original question: has she ever read a history book? Chris Matthews made a really good point about her a little bit ago (catch him around 7:45 PM during his repeat to see a segment about this topic) where he said that she's basically like the kid in school who hasn't read the book and they have to take an essay test explaining what happens in it. So they just ramble and ramble and ramble. I've been there. We all have. That's fine. But don't go on television and do the same thing. This touches on what I said yesterday: you're on TV talking about politics and our world and you're claiming there's a reason I should take you seriously. But you know NOTHING. NOTHING. YOU ARE A MORON, SARAH PALIN. PLEASE...SHUT THE HELL UP! Do you think typing in caps will help? Will she hear my plea, and the plea of millions of other people who are sick of her and her ilk (re: Glenn Beck, whose show she was on, by the by)? Doubtful. It's like she goes through life with cotton balls jammed in her ears.

Which is probably what I should do when I see her face pop up on my television. But it's like a giant, horrific car wreck with body parts splayed across the highway: I have to look. I just have to.

Sarah Palin Is A Big Fat Idiot And Other Truths

This is going to be harsh, but hear me out.

I should be up front and say that, yes, Sarah Palin intrigues me. I'm a little obsessed with her. But I don't like her. At all. I think she's morally and ethically reprehensible and she's foolish to boot. But, yes, I am pretty obsessed with her. She fires me up, and I suppose I should thank her for that.

Sarah Palin began her run as a Fox News commentator last evening. Now I admit that I can't stomach more than about five minutes of Fox a day; I get most of my Fox News information from the internet and MSNBC. Is it obvious that I'm very biased here? Because I am. I admit that. I want that completely out on the table. I'm a big time left-wing liberal loon, for life. There. That's my disclaimer for everything I will say in this post and any later posts. But I digress. Sarah Palin began her run as a Fox News commentator last evening. She was on "The O'Reilly Factor." I know! I figured she would have started out on "Glenn Beck," too! But she went with Bill, who proceeded to interview her, mainly (from what I've gathered) about this new book, Game Change. Now, this book makes some insane claims about various political figures from the 2008 election. It's not a Republican Bashfest. These guys go after Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Harry Reid, John Edwards, Elizabeth Edwards, John McCain, Sarah Palin, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. It's pretty explosive and it's been the basis for a lot of stories in the news this week, mainly about Harry Reid and Bill Clinton. But I'm under the impression that the John McCain/Sarah Palin bits might be the best. You know why? Because they pretty much confirm what everyone has known all along:

Sarah Palin is a big fat idiot.

Obviously.

And I quote: "I think that these are the political establishment reporters who love to gin up controversy and spin up gossip. The rest of America doesn't care about that kind of crap." She said this in response to a report on "60 Minutes" that she didn't understand the true nature of her son's mission in Iraq (he was deployed on September 11th, 2008).

Sarah Palin is one of the biggest perpetrators of "that kind of crap." She is, in fact, one of the biggest spinners of gossip and ginners of controversy in the public eye today. She plays herself all cute and coy and acts like she really cares about the regular guy in Smalltown, U.S.A. when she really only cares about the bottom dollar: herself.

In Sarah Palin's abnormal little brain, she can do no wrong. She is a victim of the establishment, guys! Actually, she's just a victim of the truth. She also made the claim that her opponents don't like her "common sense, conservative solutions." Well, to begin with, I don't think she's offered any solutions to anything. Just bullshit rhetoric that has no real, honest impact on the political dialogue in our country. It has a controversial impact, sure, but what does she really offer? And, I'm sorry, common sense? Common sense, you say? That's exactly what I think of when I think of Sarah Palin. Common sense. If, by common sense, you mean the most roundabout, made up, idiotic, foolish crap that can possibly spew forth from her vile, vile lips, then yes, she does have common sense.

Evidently Sarah Palin didn't know why there was a need for a North Korea and a South Korea. She didn't understand the ties between World War I and World War II. She didn't know what the Fed, you know, does. She thought that Saddam Hussein had ties to 9/11. I'm sure there are more. And this is all on top of the things we already knew about her, such as her thoughts on relations with Russia and her horrible attempts at connecting Barack Obama to "domestic terrorist" Bill Ayers. This bitch is shameless. I'm just saying.

I guess what I'm getting at is this: why is this woman a commentator on a major news network? I mean, I get it, it's Fox and they are the bastion for right wing nutbags (teabags?). They horde Republicans of all stripes, I understand that. But, generally, corrupt and sadistic though many of them are, their commentators are usually fairly intelligent. I mean, say what you will about Karl Rove (and I've said a lot of nasty, spiteful things about ol' Turdblossom) but there's no denying that he is a brilliant man. He just uses his brilliance for the purposes of evil. But Sarah Palin, as I stated above, is a big fat idiot. The biggest. The woman knows as much as my niece does about foreign policy. My niece is 9 months old, by the way, so she doesn't really know a lot about foreign policy.

I understand the appeal of Sarah Palin. She speaks to a certain subgroup of people. She makes them feel like they're understood, like they're being heard. But she's a moron. The reason these people feel like she's their gal is because they are also, very likely, morons. I know that's an inflammatory thing to say, but if you empathize with and agree with and feel a camaraderie with someone like Sarah Palin, I'm sorry, you, too, are an idiot. There's just no other way of slicing it. It infuriates me that someone with so few thoughts in her head has made her way to the top of the political heap. Thanks, John McCain. Thank you for making a giant fool of yourself by choosing as your running mate a woman you didn't even know and that was never properly vetted. If you had won the election in 2008, this loon from Alaska would have been a heartbeat away from the presidency. And she thinks that Saddam Hussein had ties to 9/11. That's reassuring, isn't it? Doesn't it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that we could be even deeper in Iraq than we already are? I know it makes me tear up.

I have to say, any time I start to talk about Sarah Palin (and I'm sure this won't be the last time I do), I just get flustered. I get angry and flushed and I lose my words. Now, I consider myself pretty smart. I'm no genius, but I'm well-informed and well-read and I tend to know my shit. If I don't know said shit, I go and look up information about that shit and I educate myself. See? That's how easy it is to know things. My point is, I'm not brilliant. I don't expect everyone to be brilliant. But if you're going to lead this country (potentially), you should be a fucking genius. You need to understand foreign policy and economics and the relationships the United States has with other countries. If you're going to be a member of Congress, you should know your shit. If you're going to be the governor of one of the 50 states in the United States? Yep, you should know your shit. If you're going to be going on a national news network and give your advice and opinion on the topics of the day? You should know your shit.

Sarah Palin? She doesn't know her shit or anyone else's.